My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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