people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
