it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
