Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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