Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(270): View more from Kentucky

If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good

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(240): View more from Maryland

you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(270): View more from Kentucky

The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.

(817): View more from Texas

I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot

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(270): View more from Kentucky

He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him

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(812): View more from Indiana

Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock

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