please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
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So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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