I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
