Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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