Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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