I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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