I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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