he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
