getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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