i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
