I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
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You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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