Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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