Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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