If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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