why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
