I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
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You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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