if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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