Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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