I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
