Well apparently he's into motor boating.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
