He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
