If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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