i permit you to call me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
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