Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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