I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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