I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
