Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
