At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
