He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
