if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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