life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
