I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
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Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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