So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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