I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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