she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
