shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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