I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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