I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
