I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
