never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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