Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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