Just cropdusted the office
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
