I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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