I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
