Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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