Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
