you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
