I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
