he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
