so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think my moral compass just broke
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
