Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
