I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
