This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
