Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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