Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
3 2 1 whiskey
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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