I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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